“Haha, whoo! That was good! Good times…”
Red Bull’s Daniel Ricciardo is up to his old tricks at Monza, overtaking Sauber’s Marcus Ericsson on the last lap to seal a charge from 19th to eighth.
“Oh my god guys! I’m too old for this!”
Williams’ Felipe Massa, a veteran at 34, breathes a sigh of relief after holding off a forceful last lap challenge from young team mate Valtteri Bottas to take third. Perhaps the Brazilian's comment had more to do with the fact that he realised he'd have to haul himself up the stairs and onto the podium...
“The power unit turned off in the last lap on the main straight. I was going to make a move…”
Bottas reveals just how close he came to denying Massa his spot on the podium.
“So upset. What’s happening!? Each year Monza… you think from Friday to today I lose a second a lap!?”
If Bottas is disappointed, Nico Hulkenberg is positively furious after struggling for pace and finishing 19 seconds behind Force India team mate Sergio Perez.
“Can you now tell me what happened at the start? As [far] as I know, I was in the right position and everything. I just want to understand…”
Ferrari’s Kimi Raikkonen was asking about his start issues even as he fought his way through the field early on - but as the races finishes, the question still haunts him.
“We need to open this gap right up. Don’t ask questions, just execute.” (Mercedes to Hamilton, lap 47)
“I have to say those last few laps were not cool, man…” (Hamilton after the chequered flag)
“Copy that, talk mode zero. I’ll explain everything when I see you.” (Mercedes in response)
Lewis Hamilton vents after cryptic messages from Mercedes make for a tense final few laps - but he is also quick to praise the team for an ‘absolutely faultless’ weekend.
“We think P2 is still possible. Attack when [Vettel’s] tyres go off.” (Mercedes to Rosberg, lap 36)
“Lost power, lost power, what do I do?” (Rosberg, lap 51)
Nico Rosberg’s hopes, meanwhile, go up in smoke - Mercedes turn his engine up slightly as he attacks Vettel, only for it to blow in spectacular, and crushing, fashion.
“No power. Oh we cannot race like this…”
McLaren’s Fernando Alonso also hits engine issues - and utters two words that are becoming sadly familiar during a troubled campaign.
“There is not much power. We’ve got a massive problem.” (Alonso in FP1)
“We’d like multi-C4, position 4, gentle weaving…” (McLaren)
“There is no power, so forget about all of this. I am trying to survive and arrive to the pit lane." (Alonso)
It’s not an isolated incident for the Spaniard either - gremlins also strike early on Friday morning.
“I have a wet bum and it smells like petrol.”
Hulkenberg has an altogether different problem in FP1...
“I’m okay. I don’t know why I lost the car under braking.”
…while Carlos Sainz is also left bemused after spinning into the gravel at Parabolica.
“Do not use the clutch, do not press anything, just stop the car with the brakes please.” (Red Bull to Ricciardo, FP2)
“Pull in the right-hand side. Don’t change gear, just stop the car on the brakes if you can.” (Red Bull to Ricciardo, FP3)
Deja vu for Ricciardo and Red Bull, as successive sessions - and successive engines - go up in smoke.
“I lost bodywork...”
Max Verstappen stakes his claim for ‘understatement of the weekend’ as his Toro Rosso sheds its skin late in Q1.
“Whoa, massive traffic. The Sauber…what’s he doing!?”
“Massively interrupted by the Sauber again…”
Ericsson attracts Hulkenberg’s ire - and a three-place grid penalty - for some rather blunt driving early in qualifying.
“I got hit! I think I have some damage…” (Hulkenberg)
“Hulkenberg hit me. The car is not turning…” (Maldonado)
“I got hit - rear suspension.” (Grosjean)
“I have a puncture.” (Nasr)
Hulkenberg is also involved in a chain of collisions at the first chicane, which affects Sauber’s Felipe Nasr and forces both Lotus cars to retire.
“But he’s not catching me! I don’t agree…”
As the finish approaches, Verstappen takes issue with blue flags, and his team’s instructions to move over for both Sebastian Vettel and Nico Rosberg.
“Yes! YES! Well done, our podium! Enjoy it!”
Vettel isn’t worried, however - second place ensures Ferrari a home podium, much to the team’s delight.
“Well hopefully I won’t get too good at it - I don’t want to be good at it.”
As Vettel celebrates, Jenson Button and McLaren debrief about losing time while getting lapped. Alonso was more adept at handling the traffic - but Button isn’t exactly planning to master the art…