"Stop the car and switch off, stop the car and switch off, stop the car and switch off." (Manor)
"You want me to stop the car?" (Wehrlein)
"Yes, stop the car and switch off."
Manor deliver a coded message to Pascal Wehrlein - but the German manages to discern the underlying meaning and pulls off to retire. He admitted afterwards that he simply 'didn't want to believe' the instruction, given his promising start to the race...
"Traffic lights didn't work man! ******* traffic lights! ****"
A 5.3s stop didn't exactly go down well with Alonso early on at Monza. The cause? McLaren's automatic traffic light system didn't change from red, keeping the Spaniard waiting. We've all been there...
"You need to keep your pace up because Grosjean might come back to us..." (McLaren)
"Ah ha ha ha!" (Alonso)
Another gem from Alonso, who can't hide his scorn at the suggestion he could still make progress despite fading tyres in the closing stages of the race.
"What sort of times is Fernando doing?" (Button)
On the other side of the McLaren garage, meanwhile, Jenson Button scents blood - and rightly so. After a superb middle stint, the Briton bolts on the supersofts and begins reeling in his two-time-world-champion team mate.
"The handling feels funny, like I have something broke... the car's undriveable, it's like I have no rear support." (Nasr)
"Stay calm Felipe, we're checking the data..." (Sauber)
"The car's undriveable guys!"
Over at Sauber, Felipe Nasr's race comes to an unhappy end after clashing with Renault's Jolyon Palmer. The Brazilian limps back to the pits and vainly tries to rejoin the fray, but to no avail.
"I had some contact on the front..." (Palmer)
"Okay, do you have damage, do you have damage?" (Renault)
"Might be okay..."
Palmer too suffers from the collision. He is at least facing in the right direction afterwards, but his immediate hope that he can continue proves forlorn...
"Yer well, that was definitely forcing me off the circuit by the Sauber..." (Button)
Sauber are in the thick of it early - Jenson Button takes umbrage after being forced into the gravel to avoid Marcus Ericsson on the first lap, which dropped the McLaren man to the back of the field - but set up a superb fight-back thereafter.
"Don't worry about the start, it was my fault." (Hamilton)
Button isn't the only disgruntled driver on lap one - a poor getaway drops polesitter Lewis Hamilton to sixth. The Mercedes driver immediately takes the blame, although he admitted later he had followed his normal routine to a tee.
"There's two Toro Rossos or just one? Cos I just passed one..." (Raikkonen)
Ferrari's Kimi Raikkonen fears he is seeing double in F1, after passing the same car twice within two laps in practice.
"So comments on balance please from that last run?" (Manor)
"I don't like it." (Wehrlein)
Also in practice, Manor ask Wehrlein to review recent set-up changes - although his reply wouldn't exactly be filed under 'constructive'.
"Okay mate, we can see the marshals pushing you back on TV. As soon as you are happy you can jump out, but please remember to put the car to P0… sorry about this mate." (Manor)
Wehrlein is at least happier than new team mate Esteban Ocon, who doesn't even get a full lap in before technical gremlins strike in qualifying.
"Fernando, three laps to go after this one, we are happy to make the stop if you wish..." (McLaren)
The final word goes to Alonso, who almost bites McLaren's hand off when offered a final stop three laps from the finish. With a new set of supersofts the Spaniard goes on to snatch fastest lap - the 22nd of his career, and the first for Honda since 1992.